Love Vs. Legalism

“Because I said so” is still a good reason

Our modern society is all about Self. We are told to “follow our heart,” “look out for number one” and “live our truth.” A very far cry from the simple-but-not-easy commands of Jesus to “first deny yourselves, take up your cross and follow me.” (Notice he didn’t say not to care for yourself,he just didn’t put it at the top of the list like we do.)

As someone who has suffered years of trauma, PTSD and other mental health issues, and just difficult and lonely seasons often, I don’t always feel like doing what I should do. Not just for half an hour, either. I’m talking days, weeks, even months at a time. This can affect the smallest tasks like showering or washing dishes to more major issues; even matters of the heart.

Sometimes my prayers sound like “God, what is wrong? Help!” Or I may grossly overthink others’ perceptions of me, or avoid communication with humans as much as possible. (It’s not you, it’s me.)

I would rather take the tunnel than the road when I feel this way. That way, I can move as slowly as I need to, not be seen and eventually get where we are all going. Fine.

The challenge is, I have to walk a thin line between genuine rest/self care, and doing things because I need to do them no matter how I feel or what I want. I am a wife and mother after all. I am a servant of God.

A lot of folks advocate for more than freedom and grace. They widen the narrow road with comments like, “If you’re just doing it because you’re supposed to, that’s legalism,” or “Pray because you want to, not because you have to.” (What if I don’t want to? Am I exempt?) Love and obligation have been pitted against one another.

What’s wrong with fulfilling our duties? Why is it weak to do something because it’s the right thing to do for someone you love, whether you want to or not? The very fact that we have to be told what to do in the first place, then reminded again and again, means it doesn’t naturally occur to us.

Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” I’m sure he loves when we feel love for Him, but that doesn’t erase our responsibilities. Likewise, He honors our acts of obedience even when we don’t feel a thing.

The saying “Because I said so,” has taken a hit in this generation. Of course, depending on what voice you are listening to, this phrase can bring comfort or confusion. The voice of culture must be questioned and debunked. But what about the voice of Heaven, or reason, or good old fashioned common sense?

Many times we delay doing what we innately know to do. We have to trust the basics. We don’t have to be told “why” over and over. It’s just the right thing to do. A more trusted voice than ours “says so.”

The word “should” has almost become a curse word in some professional counseling circles. I’ve been corrected before for saying it. It has become synonymous with shame and people-pleasing, or false guilt. I get it to a degree. If I beat myself up because I “should” have spoken up sooner about being abused as a child,it can add more weight to the original burden. Blaming ourselves for injustice done to us is not conducive to healing.

So, What about things that we are responsible for?

“I should apologize.It really hurt her when I said that.” Yes, you should.

“I should get some exercise.” Yes, you should.

“I should pray more.” Yes, you should.

Duty is not a four-letter word. Well, not a bad one, anyway. Some people like to use a bigger word when they would rather sound smart than be mature; Legalism. If they can convince you that living a disciplined, Godly and productive life is not freedom, then their misery just found some company. You won’t hold them accountable to something if you don’t believe it matters.

Someone may look “free,” when they are really just lost. We may mistake a free-spirited person for someone who is not following directions.

I am a deep “feeler” and creative type. I understand the importance and beauty of being such a soul. I wouldn’t trade who I am. There are times, however, when my “personality” talks me out of my ability. How I am or how I feel; those are the things that speak so loudly when I don’t want to do what is counter to them. I must remember who is in front of me. I am not called to follow myself.

Even when it’s hard-especially when it’s hard, we are still expected to live and love up to certain standards. How do I know? Because I’m learning through my mistakes. Also? Because He said so.

Here’s to getting out of the tunnel…