Nurture

An invitation to "love others as I love myself"

I'm not typically a "word of the year" kind of person. But for 2023, I knew ahead of time (like in the fall of 2022) that I had a word for the new year. As I watch these days unfold, the meaning and details behind my word, nurture, become clearer little by little.

Webster's definitions for nurture include:

(n) Training; Upbringing; Food; The sum of the environmental factors influencing behavior and traits expressed by an organism...

(v) To supply with nourishment; Educate;

To further the development of/foster

I have to agree wholeheartedly with every definition given! Only with a more specific picture being painted of each, as I apply it to my life, family and God-given assignments and interests.

When I initially pondered how nurture made sense in this season, I felt it was for what I receive and give. I got a gentle "green light" from God. That the main priority of this year, especially as I transition into living with my new husband, blended family and in a completely different state and home, is to take things "low and slow."

NURTURE. Nezzle in and let myself be refreshed, renewed and nourished spiritually and creatively in a new environment. Don't do too many things too soon. Be home, be restored...refocus.

Out of the overflow of my being nurtured, I am to focus on nurturing my home and family-sink into new roots and make it known that I am in this with my whole soul, this amazing gift and role of being a "homesteader" of sorts. (Now, lets not take that entirely literally, as I have never grown a garden or raised chickens or made homemade bread. I also use a dryer for wet laundry, so lets not jump to conclusions!)

For "training" and "upbringing" I envision continuing to pour into our kids, raising them up "in the way they should go" (Proverbs 22:6) not by traditional "gospel teaching" means only, but ever-expanding that into implications for each individual; the path for which they are bent. Staying true to their personalities, learning styles, callings. Homeschooling is one of the greatest ways to guard this sacred entrustment! Nurture. "Educate."

Make no mistake though, mamas, whether you homeschool or not, the best ways to know what to teach and encourage your child about is by being the top student of your home first. Listen and observe. Pay attention to who they are, how they learn, the topics and talents that spark the brightest light in their eyes. This takes time. This takes patience and investment. Rest assured, as you slow down and commit to attentive, purposeful parenting, your heart will follow suit!

This is not to make an "idol" or a "project" of your child. It is, rather, a journey-a treasure hunt that is more exhilarating than exhausting. Something that you lean into naturally and steadily. Being a surrendered mother, whose dreams fold into her children's, brings a deep sense of pursuit and reward as the years of cultivation yield harvest.

Many women feel that if they become "stay at home moms" or "homemakers" they have to put their dreams to the side or shelf their talents and hobbies. That they have to choose between the "fostering" of their families and working on their own accomplishments and goals. Again, it is a "folding in..." Is this homelife sacrificial? Indubitably.

However, we are not called to dissapear so that our children can shine. We can't help them find themselves if we lose ourselves in the process. In fact, one of the most effortless ways to "teach" our kids to embrace challenges and be authentic is by example. Only, this is now tempered and mixed in as an ingredient of the greater recipe; a contribution to the whole family's identity, not just our own. The fingerprints of God on our original makeup are never erased! Repurposed, perhaps, but always purposeful.

Maybe in this season, you can't put your college degree to use in a fulltime "career" outside of your home. Don't relenquish what you have learned! Find ways to apply that knowledge right where you're at.

Maybe you were a dancer, a painter, a poet in your spare time before kids; continue! You need the mental break now more than ever, and your kids need to see that under the ruffly apron and piles of laundry, a fun, creative mama still exists!

Can I highly suggest that your husband needs to see that "you" too? Remember, he didnt hire a dishwasher, he married a bride. I believe it affirms my man even more when he sees me (in a balanced manner of course) writing or playing music or just being "Jessie" in some way other than chores and checklists. I feel recharged and he feels relieved, proud to know that he allows for it, even facilitates it. He gets to nurture ME.

"Nourishment" (or FOOD) and "environmental factors" are crucial definitions, depended upon by all other meanings. To be more clear, good seed demands good soil. The great education pioneer, Charlotte Mason, coined, "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life."

Atmosphere. Discipline. Foundations of a healthy life. What kind of life do you envision for yourself and your family? What kind of life is God dreaming about and requiring? Whatever it involves, it must be chiefly supported environmentally and nutritionally in order to thrive. We fuel our beliefs. We create a landscape that inspires. We prove our priorites by what we build into them.

At the most basic level, promoting and providing proper nutrition, hydration, rest, exercise and "sunlight," or time in nature, are not only beneficial but fundamental to a child's development. Essential to every sustainable person. For both body and mind.

Its baffling that parents who put so much effort, time and money into sports or academics or performance (sometimes just for the sake of keeping their kids "busy" or "out of trouble") are metaphorically "hanging curtains," while ignoring cracks in the actual foundations of the house.

The travel baseball star who scores all the homeruns and wins trophies but has to look in bleachers just to find his family. And after the game? Time for homework, even though he desperately needs sleep and recovery time from all the physical demands put on his body. He is stressed out but keeps pushing, because what used to be a hobby is now an expectation.

The mom who skips cooking nutritious meals most evenings because she is a slave to her minivan and the extracurricular activities of her kids, who are in a rotation more than a relationship. She also "takes turns" with her husband, so there's at least one parent present for each overscheduled child. They both work separately during the day, too. "Marriage" is now a special occasion. The weekends are spent at church events, games and birthday parties. All the parties.

Parenting is shift management. Chaos control. No one has time to clean the house. Laundry is done on an "as needed/emergency" basis. ("Mom! Where's my jersey? I need it for the game tonorrow!" "Has anyone seen my blue uniform skirt? I've already gotten a dress code violation at school this week and I can't get in trouble again!" "Honey, did you remember to iron that shirt for my presentation?")

The kids who are chronically sick from the toxins and chemicals we pump into their vulnerable systems through the Standard American Diet.(Also known as SAD) We are overstimulated, media-addicted, sleep-deprived. Our tables are covered in computers and clutter. Rarely used to actually gather around for family dinner.

Flip the coin and you will see mamas who stay at home with their children, homeschool, "keep up" with chores (is that even possible?) and try to make up for everything society lacks. They are setting an external atmosphere that looks right.

Lesson planning, menus, organized pantries, organic-only food and no sugar, limited screen time, looking cute and even making it to a women's bible study one morning a week, all while maintaining a stunning IG account. But the smile she gives her husband at the door? It's forced. The kids she teaches? She secretly dislikes. She doses off over lunch, depressed and daydreaming of a "real job." She cries in the closet when no one is watching, careful to reapply makeup when she calms down. She yells at her children until the Amazon delivery man arrives. She stops abruptly, scared to be caught in her actions.

Her home is immaculate. The environment is still toxic. Her heart is not in it. Bitterness poisons her children, even though their expensive shampoos are "toxin free."

There are many examples of imbalance and lack of nurture in our lives. And we all fall short.

The journey back to healthy, supportive foundations begins in the heart. Join me in taking an honest, prayerful look at how we can better nurture and be nurtured.

Take some time. Examine your crops. Walk through your home and really notice it. Look your children in the eyes and see them. Slow down. Kiss your husband. If you don't know what to do, do nothing until you know.

By all means, know that you were created to thrive, to the glory of God, and to the full service of others. Repentance is a change of mindset, from the inside out. We center our hearts. We love God first, then ourselves and our neighbors. Prayer and perspective make for fertile soil. Joy returns. Children blossom. Marriages flourish. Nature is appreciated. Peace is found. Nurture happens.

What are you excited about cultivating in your life this year?